No.You still don't see me.This web-way of mazes -Changing constantly in my mind.Old tricks,Following left or right wall,Don't work here.Even now;Cannot control my nightmares,Most nights.We remain trapped in my subconscious:Funhouse mirror reflections,False places.So my mask will remain.
Rarely write Poetry,In Sorrow.Despair pinned to my skin,Like entomology displays.Fighting myself.Every.Single.Day.3 pills each morning -Just to know of Joy.[Numb.Wanting for escape.Worshipping Death.]Never wanted any of this.Blood Cursed.Strange.&:This melancholy grief,Remains. **
These tears don't feel like mine.Survival always came with grit.Not crying.Tens of thousands of teardrops,Spread over several decades.But in trying to become something,Other than myself…I indeed lost myself,As predicted.So many masks,Don't know who I am,Even now.Weeping quietly.Lost.
What did you lose?"Everything."Or perhaps never had "anything,"To begin with.Weeping adult -Over stuffed animals.Sobbing for lost fabric?Or desecrated youths?Most handmade,Gifted by grandparents.Button eyes.Soft fluff.Comfort.Love I threw away.Wanted back so badly;Even two decades on.
Broken Childhood.Neglected.Alone.Dark bedrooms.Always playing pretend -To escape my dark reality:Toys, action figures, stuffies, or painted miniatures,Positioned across bamboo floor mats,For my imaginary wars.Alone.Always.Was 10,Or 11,Indoctrinated by "Man Of The House,"Diatribes.Eldest Child...
Skeezy teases,Sleazy eases.Convictions predicted to insipid depictions.Thrice fights rightly righted.Mock balks at thot bots via TikTok lots.This place is hell.Swell fellas tell or yell truths,Soothsaying purviews.You who knew,No longer know.Calligraphy neat,A freak.
Perhaps Not.Maybe my faith was always misguided,Relying on people stupider than I,To seek knowledge & wisdom.But paths of least resistance -Hardly work that way.Wanted to see my species shine;Breaking free of evolutionary shackles,Such as Tribalism.Yet they're hardly beyond apes.Sad.
Midnight As Fuel,Drinking superstition,Or chugging myth & legend.Didn't come to fracture Reality,Of course.That's just a big red button,In the form of Dimensional Breaks.Globally Inevitable,Mutually Assured Destruction.Same logic as nukes.Don't hurt me!Or I'll burn this whole world to ashes.
Love Beguiles,Eludes Me.Always forgetting when it starts,Stops,Begins,Or ends.Most of my love has been fleeting -With lingering feelings of being used.Traumatic Abusive Childhoods,Likely perpetrated such emotions.Are we guilty for past ignorance?Want love,Truly.If only I could trust.
Doom Speaker,Or Hope Bringer?Ragnarok,Was always supposed to be heralded…By a serpent.Not just any,But Legend of Alchemy -Ouroboros Circling The World,Teeth sunk in own colossal tail.Jormundgandr,By some names.World Serpent,By others.To me:Metaphor Extension;Of My Infinite Hunger.
Silly,Isn't it?That one can go to bed,Only to never wake up.Snap of the fingers,Between life or death,No matter how anxiously prepared,One might be.Life for my kind,Was always brutish, nasty, & short;Hobbes' perfect example.Death was frequent.Common.We just got used to death I guess.
Teeth Ajar,Jaw Hanging,Skull Bleaching White.Parading old carcasses!Playing with my corpse.Only got one,& already plan to give it all away.Organs,Bones,Wisdoms,All.When I move,A body snaps or crackles,Popping often.Just reminding you,Even after my own death,Perhaps,Of our mortality.
"Write A Religion,Then!Prove It Manipulates Us!"Poisoned Kool-Aid,Wasn't enough of a red flag for you?Unlike Hubbard,Make sure to label my Fictions,Plus My Reality.Faith is indeed a powerful tool,Plus a formidable weapon.The demand?Just give me enough time.Education.Critical Thinking…Then I Won't...
Any proper organized religion,Has no true substance.Yet a flock's harvest is rarely ever,In mere wool.Faith becomes physical,A tangible thing.Pure belief powering miracles.Same fraud as ever.Trickery or illusion,To harvest the golden wheat of worship.Such food is ambrosia.Power.Control.
Licking lips,& fingers.Hot Honey -Slathered meats upon the grill.Gnawing greasy flesh,Tingles of divinity in every bite.Chipped yellow teeth;Too sharp even now.Metaphors,Magic,They tend to intertwine regardless.How else could we procure such deities?These delicious gods;Upon which we feast?
Moonlight Soliloquy.Sharpened Heartstrings.This pit of loneliness,Aching in my rotting black heart.Mummified Ventricles.Better off alone,Witch.Human Beings usually only mistreat us.For every one hope,There’re a dozen tragedies.Sure.Survived.Alone in my dark.Broken Monologues,& all.
There's no loss,I cannot endure.All because I've been losing;For a very long time.So unused to winning,My humility is often moreso,My shock.Fate pissed in my mouth.Destiny shot me clean through;Both kneecaps & elbows.Was never supposed to win,In the first place.Redemption was a lie.
Swiping Left Like Hurricanes,Spinning one direction.Boring same archetypes of people:Yoga, Brunch, Hiking,All the “Vancouver Specials” -Whereas I'm hunting weirdoes.Colored hair artists,Queer or Neurodivergent Communities,That aren't toxic or gatekeepy.Dating Apps Suck.Want stranger folk.
Remember the constant distant roar,Of glacier-fed rivers.Swirling greens & blues,Full of Dolly Varden.Baba knows.Knows which berries to eat.How to avoid snags on a line -In our rocky-bottom rivers.How to survive out there.Familiar with the bush.Wind.Rock.Sun.Water.Meat.Thirst.Hunger.
Silhouette Of An Era.Old regimes on death beds.Oligarchs?Mean Long Pig?Tough & gamey,Always tasting the same.As most -Withered, white old gerontocracies do.Bitter,Disgusting.Unfit to feed any flock.Better off,Fertilizer.But they'd poison the land.Old regimes,Finally dying off with age.