Isolation.Solitude.Loneliness.Yet bleeding out;Blood & Misanthropy across the tiles.Paradox.Catch 22:To defeat loneliness,One must seek connection.Impossible for those who have known,Only hatred.Disgusted by the masses,Slow,Stupid,Cruel.My casket,Of stone & steel.Alone for eternity.
Promised her I wouldn't kill myself, trying to laugh through my suffering, to ease her worry.She's one of very few close to me, that know how much I crave death.To be free from this tortured existence, cursed with flawed genetics - mockeries of Rain Man.These disabilities make living,Agony.
Appreciate what Chomsky did,For us Leftists,But to be honest,Was a fan of Foucault,Over him.Refusing to accept that language,Has power:Speaking about something,Granting it shreds of Zeitgeist -Bubbling up to the surface of tar,Until it infects the populace,For good or ill.Power itself.
Stone monoliths,Tend to last longer,Lingering unlike many philosophies.If only I could purge unwanted traits,From Homo Sapiens Sapiens.But the only cure for ignorance,Is education.Something eroded intentionally,By evil souls -Who want mindless worker bees.They desire sheep,Not awareness.
Ironic Paradox:Old white oligarchs ruling the world,Are stupider on average -As a generation.Leaded gasoline did them damage,Sure.But greed,Refusal to help anyone?That arrogance;Mutilating planet,Economy,In selfish fashion?Ignorance?Or choice?Boomers going extinct,Will be good for us.
Sitting atop mountains,As ancient hermit gurus did.Watching worlds below,Thrash & writhe.Flail & struggle.Used to be,Clever,Or bold,Would search teachers like me out,Seeking knowledge,Or wisdom.Such things are archaic.Literary arts,Are dying out.So is self awareness,& self reflection.
I was wrong.Thought I could play at Humanism,Better than pariahs coming before me.Look at Turing.Tesla.All of us;Dead set on dragging our species forwards,By one heel,To better tomorrows.Every Humanist seems destined to fail,Majority fighting us the whole way.They always choose ignorance.
Perhaps I've always been a fool.Hoping for better,From Humans.How loathsome it is,That Hobbes was right.My great hopes;That Humanity can be better,Somehow overcoming their stupidity,Short sightedness,& greed.But that's my foolishness.Only the pinnacle can achieve thus.The rest are lost.
Promise,My loves.I'd never hurt you like that.Force you to suffer the process,Of grieving me.If I'm gonna die -Won't be me.Not my own hand,As I attempted decades ago.My entire philosophy;Is raging at this dark,That binds me.Roaring like our old bestial selves,In the face of oblivion.
“How Now? Is He Dead?” Not yet.NOT YET.Crawling on stumps of fingers,Faceplanting forwards.Surpassing others,We grew up on.Bard,I've more scars than you.This raggedy carcass,Pulling me forwards towards tomorrow.NOT YET.Not yet.Fighting with calloused hands,Scrapping for sustenance.Play...
Drinking Diesel.Guzzling Gasoline.Killing Kerosene.THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS.Gunpowder plots,In staccato.Arpeggio screams,Grinding bone to dust.This frail body,Cranking out heat.Or perhaps heat as mere byproduct,As before.Tar As Metaphor:From Void I Came,To The Void I'll Return.
Sleep never comes.Especially for those deemed evil,By blatant majorities.No rest for us wicked.Doomed to smash our foreheads,Into grindstones.Until our skulls are bone dust.If only I could sleep forever.But there's only one possibility,For that.A sudden,Lurching stop.An end,Of ends.
Destitute,Ragged.Yet I refuse to beg.Others spamming requests for aid,For any myriad reasons.Demanding my acquiescence,Or amplification.Cash apps,To venmo.Hands out.Open.I refuse.Not of pride,Nor ego.But perhaps self destruction.Fighting to survive,In my own ways.As I always have.
My pyre, & stake, Awaits. Witch to be burned. Cryptid to be executed. Pagan to be sacrificed. They'll ban, Then burn my books. Ensuring they erase every last shred, Of evidence. Eliminating all proof, That such a thorn in the side of the powerful, Ever existed at all. Damning me to truest...
Awake.Alone.Anxious.Watching my life crumble around me,Trapped within my insomnia.Haven't craved death like this,In a while.Disgusted with my species,From intolerance,To selfishness,To greed.Everything from religion,To finance,Convincing me at times -The majority of my species,Is so...
Cursed to live like this.Genetic Damnation.Major Depression.ADHD.Major Mood Disorder.Dyscalculia.Social Anxiety Disorder.Undiagnosed Autism.Every morning,Simply getting up,Existing,Can be agony.Especially in this world,That hates people like me.Then folks wonder;Why my Art is so dark.
Perhaps,Like my spirits,I too,Am a ghost.Flocks of dead,Haunting me.My empty body.Undying,Despite craving death.Some frail defiance of mortality,In my battle against Entropy itself.Why bother?Trapped in worlds of Fools.Greedy.Selfish.Shortsighted.No wonder they see right through me.
My love is like a cloying,Heady smoke.Obscuring everything around me,To hide me from strangers.A thing to breathe in -When people want to use me.Secondhand smoke.Love free for the taking,Without ever even considering reciprocity.Formless,I remain adrift,Like a curse upon the breeze.
Nobody cares about my titles,Or records.Not even I give much of a shit anymore,Because isn't anybody alive -Could comprehend our suffering.What it took us to get here,From the dregs.So what?Anybody can write poems,Or books.Can you look at our society,Tell me anybody cares?They don't.
Soft,My darkness.Envelop me like you always do.Rising up my neck,Over the crown of my head.Until I can't breathe anymore.Death is so easy.Yet so permanent.We living things,Doomed to die.Mortal.Grow tired of fighting Entropy.The Void has called out to me,For a long time.Go?Or stay?