Dispassionate existence,Drawn with graphite,Or charcoal.Fine art sketches -I never did practice.Can do anything -Given enough time,& resources.Yet this curse,Is derived from a cycle:Immediate mastery,Often enough.Waxing boredom,If not.Passion dictating expertise.Savant Syndrome Blues.
Electrical impulses;From grey matter to synapses.Neurons or axions,Oscillating charges -Via potassium channels.(Also why you can die,From potassium overdoses.)Biology has mapped our existence,Using Empirical Method,Quantitative Evidence,Data.Recognize how hard,Science had to fight.
Tend to dislike microlabels,Despite ironically claiming one.Demisexualism be damned!Folks seek meaning,As if a label means salvation,From ambiguity.Making meaning,From a lexicon?Why not make meaning,From your lived experiences?Don't want to be put in a box.Prefer untitled existences.
Little Philosophy Lesson:Anarcho-Capitalists,Aren't Anarchists.Capitalism means hierarchy,Derived from personal wealth.They're mere Libertarians,In disguise.Anarchism is about freedom.Abolition of hierarchies of power -For consensual community.Mutual aid.Anarcho-Capitalists are scumbags.
This modern world,& society,Is broken.Pyramid scheme -Siphoning wealth to top.Sociopaths & Narcissists,Who believe wealth,Prestige,Entitles them to respect,Admiration.But it works.The ignorant will bend over backwards,To defend them.Believing they're the next millionaires.The fools.
Application,After application.Nobody wants me.Nobody needs me.Remember:Talents mean nothing,To a capitalist.Employers are often afraid,Of the most competent -Desiring mediocre,To middling.Employees they can easily control,But not so intelligent,They can affect change.Cogs.Machines.
Yep.I'm fucked up.Told my whole life,I was "dark."As if Major Depression could manifest,In purest joy.As if the trauma & abuse,Wasn't gaslit into nonexistence,By covert narcissists."Do you want to be better,Than you were yesterday?"I meant it.Lost.Adrift.Evil,As they said.Typecast as the...
Another mad dream.Going from one insane story,To the next.Suddenly being ripped -Through various holes,Doors,Into parallel dimensions.Falling further & further away,From home.First;Small changes.Slowly becoming more distorted.Then lost,Unsure if I'll ever get back,To this reality.
So stressed,So anxious,Can't sleep.Grinding my teeth,Tossing & turning,Like when I used to roam the halls,At 12,Looking at pictures on the walls,Due to my chronic insomnia.Feel hopeless,Lost.Everybody telling me it's bad out there,Right now.Doesn't help me sleep much.Eyes wide open.
Drinking quicksilver,Towards an early grave.As if Mercury,Or Lead,Doesn't kill us.Death Clocks,To leaded gasoline.The call of my lover Death,Strong these days.Her song so beautiful;Promising me a la a siren -Peaceful eternal slumber.Sudden stop to existence.Because living is hell. ×0×
Unemployed.Nearly destitute.Willing to do almost anything to survive.Need a job,But the government work programs tell me;I'm overqualified.Third most prolific poet ever.Wrote the longest resource,For the most complex format,Of the most complex game in existence.& nobody wants me.Fuck me.
I have no mother.One that birthed me,Used & abused me for decades -A sick,Mentally ill woman.Refusing to believe in facts,Experts,Or science.Sociopath through & through.What can I do?Threaten to tell the truth about her harms?Demand she stop stalking me,Or I expose her name,& crimes?
Dear Disowned Parent:FUCK OFF.Go away.Banned you everywhere I could,Yet like the psychopath you are,You still stalk my website constantly -As I can see in my analytics.Wish I could block you from that too.Stop reading my work.Stop shit talking me.Go the fuck away.Leave me alone forever.
Limbo.Trapped in eternal wage slavery,Drowning in our debt.Systems designed to keep us prisoner,Slaving away for the benefit of oligarchs.Plutocracy.Nepotism.Cronyism.Blackmail.Extortion.We suffer until we die.Our only true escape.Pacifist bastard;Yet still want to burn it all down.
Can your love hold a species?Torrents of negativity -Idiocracies in bloom.How much good faith is needed,To drown out ignorant bigotry,Hate,Or ugly Christian Nationalism?Is your love strong enough?Softness to battle arrogant bastards,In parodies of the paradox of tolerance.Can your love -
Seen so much fucking trauma,Narcissism,Abuse,That I know,Sadly,That despite the good ones -Humanity will be better off,When the Boomers have died out.Entitled often at least,Straight up toxic at worst,Leaded gasoline nightmares.Hate sweeping claims -But feels like 25%,Versus 75%.Ugh.
Laughter.Joy.Perhaps all my trauma,Or abuse,Is the reason I value Jesters,& Comedy,So highly.After terrors we've seen…Appreciate smiling -Even once in a while.Short story long.Long story short.Want to laugh forever,Free of the endless darkness,Least for a little while.Moments,Even.
Nightmares keep coming.Packing.Leaving.Prefer the ones where I die,Fighting zombie outbreaks -Dragons,Or horrific monsters,Than my nightmares with family.Screaming matches.Insane bipolar mania.Constant gaslighting,Lying,The Cycles Of Abuse -Spinning at eight hundred miles an hour.
Solace.Sol.Ace.Fragments of meaning,Across many lexicons.Jargon,Idiom,Or cipher.Pieces of other languages -Bastardized for parts.Lexical junkyards,I tend to call home.My speech is strange,To most.Sometimes slipping into old slang,Or apostrophe-laden contractions.Old Logger Talk.
Always expect to go;The way all revolutionaries go.Gallows.Stake.Firing Squad.But I think,Since my few attempts at suicide -Over a decade & change ago,That now I'd like to be somewhere sunny.Mountains & forests,Of my homeland,Or trees & flowers.Smiling softly.Finally at peace.Finally.