Evil,Yeah? As they call me I guess.But perhaps my goals seem monstrous;Aiming at devouring a Zeitgeist,Consuming it in entirety. It's already controlled,That's the sad part.How dare I lay my hands on it! Fools fail to see the webs of capitalism,Carefully woven behind the backdrop. So?…
Demographic Games.Even queerness,Neurodiversity,Levied against us.Some audiences are so predictable,It's exhausting.Thirsty Sword Lesbians.Or Twenty Year Olds -Playing High Schoolers.Media itself:Formulaic,Rarely deviating.I refuse to fall into it.My art must be mine.Fuck the audience.
Listlessness as crime.Lethargy as sin.Despite fighting for our whole existence. As if mere rest or relaxation,Is heresy. Painting fictions,Imaginary worlds to escape this one.No wonder we're fatigued! Alone in the dark.Lost in the crowd.Forgotten by friends. We're not entirely to blame.
Dead Internet Theory -To Hyperinflation.Dot Com Bubble -To 2008. Idiots rule the world. Keeping populations stupid,Uneducated,Indoctrinated by religion -Party politics. Ugly despicable truths.Christian Nationalism -To modern genocide. Humanity:Are we past redemption? Lost forever...
Listen,I understand having disabilities;Neurodivergences.Have half a dozen myself.But I've been used & abused,By so many Bipolar kin,That I refuse to allow mania to hurt me.Boundaries.Walls.Blocking.We need to do what keeps us safe.Refusing to tolerate abuse,Ever again.\\Ever again.
I'M COMING,DEAD MEN.TELL YOUR TALES,OR YOU WON'T GET THE CHANCE.TELL NO LIES.SPEAK NO SECRETS.HOLD THE WORLD IN THY PALM.INFINITE HUNGER,WON'T STOP,UNTIL I'VE BEATEN,SURPASSED,THEM ALL.LONE SAVANT -ROARING UP AT A NIGHT SKY.PUNCHING AT STARS.KICKING AT EMPTY AIR.DEAD MEN,I'M COMING.
200-Something.All that stands between:5 Years Of My Poetry,& Shakespeare's entire portfolio.Didn't think I'd hit this first milestone,Goalpost,So quickly.Alas!Dead Art Form.Dead Medium.Replaced by A.I.Still -Even if nobody cares but me?It was a worthy war.Enjoyable battle.Good fight.
When my long term bets,Plans,Finally pay off?Expect the parasites or leeches,Will emerge from their holes.Ignoring me at fringes,For years or decades,Yet wanting me sudden -As if some heart-eyed adorer.Nah.Fuck off.My circle will be small.Track records considered.Selfish greed.Again.
Frustration with other Humans,Tends to rise in correlation,With Ignorance,Bigotry,& arrogance.Often my confidence,Wisdom,Gets attacked as pride,Ego.They never have a clue:Roiling shadows,Looming tall,Ethereal,Invisible,Behind me.A lifetime of abuse,& trauma.My flocks of ghosts.
Dreamlessness is refreshing.Waking up without memory,Of whatever my nightmares,Would have been.Not completely sure -But hope -For this dreamless sleep more often.My trauma haunts my subconscious,No matter how much control I have;In my waking life.Dream Warrior?Hah!Rather have real rest.
Can't go woke go broke if I'm already broke and stopped using woke authentically fifteen years ago in lieu of just saying I'm not a bigot.
Nah,I'll fight.For the young queers,Troubled punks,& for bastards just like me.Doomed from the start.Blood Cursed At Birth.Have no mother.Can I claim to've sprung miraculously,From my father's loins?Or will dumber fools,Not realize I just disowned her,For abusing & deadnaming me?Heh.
Happy Birthday To Me.Simple pleasures,Time with friends.Her Shadow.Their Strength.Neurodivergent people,Die before thirty at higher rates.Queer neurodivergents like me?Likely less.Every day past thirty,To me,Is just Bonus Time.Joke about "1700+ ADHD years -"Living Plus Dying;Kaio Ken.
My boundaries?Trampled again.Like stampedes of hooves,Smashing my cattle fences,Dashing all -Into a thousand muddy pieces.Best fucking liar I've ever known,Brother.But I'm smarter than you.Your demons haunt you still,Whilst mine are chained,Leashed in steel links,Braided to my forearm.
This elegant goodbye,A piece of soft mourning.We're trapped,Worlds apart.I'm the beast in the reflection.A monster you cannot let out.No matter the cost.'Ere my foul magicks seep,Back into the world.Blood curse boiling,Dark weavings churning.We must exist,At odds.
Perhaps,A lapse - in fact or fiction -Diction as a warmup,Dereliction of real duties.Beauty in that old hat,Told you I hate rhymes.Enshrined in mind -Youth.Proof of soothsaying.Hard years,Tears in mere leers.Part of why I have no fears.Lasting dispositions.
We exist.Two corpses in one.A dozen selves,Crammed into a single living space.Feelings can hardly matter -When we aren't even sure who we are.How many of us,Are already dead?Vestigial organs,Ancient identities.Are we antiques?Relics?Or reminders?
Crucify me.Take my organs for parts.Donate every past scrap -To life,Medicine,Science.Make dice of my bones,To hold my dark magic.Carve runes of warding across my skull.To lock in evil.Take my everything.Death is just another phase of existence,We exist in our art.
I promise many things.The trick?It's to promise what is already certain.Never tell a lie."Don't make a girl a promise,If you know you can't keep it."Longsight,Pattern recognition.Using data to soothsay,Making bets like prophecies.Certainties high enough,You'd stake your life on them.Given how...
STOP.Please.I understand the nightmares every night -Are a result of trauma.But my mnemonic trigger phrase mantra,Doesn't seem to work.So I suffer almost every single night.Last night,Fun celebration or party;Turning into cruelty.Robbed,Left to try and find my things.Even my clothes.