"Tryin'."Word I come back to,Time & time again.I'm trying.Through nobody wanting me -Crushed hearts,To endless rejection letters.Dreams in which I say goodbye:"I'll always love you."Divine suffering,Buddhists might say.Tryin'.Seas wanting to drown me.Subconscious wanting to cage me.
Goodnight,Void.Simple gratitudes.Plans to bake blueberry muffins,Or cranberry bread.Silence,But for my own mad rambling,Juggling a dozen thoughts at once.Scaring my peers -By singing along to music down the slopes,Or humming new tunes ad hoc,All while planning futures.Not mine.Theirs.
Ego Death Was Easy -that first timeAbused & gaslit by a parent,Into complete dissociation.For decades.Sorry.Ring Ring.Nobody home.Satellite Orbits,piloting my mech from spaceLess than worthless.Gravebound at best,Long before we knew,Neurodivergent death statistics.DEATH BY -selfThe Infinite...
This begets no witchcraft.Failing to objectify willpower,On top of reality.Hunched over cutting board,Midnight -Devouring greasy spoon smashburgers,Failures & all.Fueling dreams,On meat.All eventually boils down to meat.Wanna tell us how everything ends?It's not in bibles,But galaxies.
Taking my leisurely time,Beating Shakespeare.Publishing hundreds in mere hours.Each small piece of my soul -Black Hole Compressions,For every poem. - oxo Very few,Know I'm roughly one fitty from done.My Silly Secret.Back in 2023?Scheduled poems until Fall 2025.Prolly already beat him.
Underestimations Are Weapons.Tools I must teach you,Little Witches.Vernaculars & Lexicons,Of Wood & Dirt.We 'gon get it.Giv'er,Cross cuts & ridges,'til we don gotta care wha we talk like -no moreDropping Meticulous Pretexts,Masks,Ones We Create.Noticing old dialects.Slang.All Lost.
Gender?Sometimes Yes.Sometimes No.Depends how deep I am.Queerness as dictata -Antithesis to itself.How even such communities,Are gatekept.You either believe in everybody,As individuals,Or you don't.Don't need to tell you:Bear Or Man?Cubs,Twinks,whateverWas always the fucking point.
Crushing pressure in excess -Pitch black trench life.Abyssal Leviathans.Lurkers Below,Coiled around the planet -Until silt & rock,Settles across scales.Fangs,Maw,Unhinged Jaw,Open wide.Vacuum suction.Water displacement.Teeth sinking -Into scarred white remains,Of a tattered tail.
Goodnight - Void.Frantic,Late Night Drives For Dopamine.Unable To Ever Rest.Dying Nightly To Nightmares,Dodging Death When Awake.Not yet,Lover!Need more time.Please,On Death's Head.Just need more time.Our own mortality,Can be a source of dark power.Embracing Entropy -As some of us do.
Metaphor!Never cry havoc.I prefer to simply walk by.In wings.Rambling in pitch black voids,Beyond curtains.Fear is an inducement,Sound.Sight.Smell.Tool.Weapon.Bad Witch -Knows density of reality in any space.How hard it is to weave,Mould,Or mold.Good Witch,Has Already Wrangled It.
Veteran Captains;Let The A.I. Drive.Especially in crisis.Provided they're up to snuff.Calculating 3 axis variables,Amongst forces of gravity,Associated spacetime issues,Velocity & Acceleration,In nigh infinite vectors.Shoot something into space?It keeps going.Until it hits something.
Railgun Rounds:Firing via rotating cylinders,Electromagnetic conductive rails,Cooling out of sequence.Breaking sound barriers,Least.Tungsten Slug.Velocity-driven into sternum -It's all ribbons from there,Concussive percussion kicking in eventually.Fine Red Mist.Quite fine.Cycle.Again.
Look back:Manic depressive youth -Scarred by self destruction.Ending life,Or raking sharp steel across flesh.Anything to feel,In that real numb world.Grey hazes across Reality.Matching my dull grey irises;Glazed gazings.Any other dimension but this one.Better now.Been a long,Hard Road.
Broken toes,Never healed right.Or were we born that way?Missing half an eartip from birth,Cartilage spikes to boot.The half an eyebrow was lost much later.Infection along the nostril,Scarred purplish red.Stretch marks in white & purple,Numb.Tattered bloody with steel razors,Across a body.
Life asking us to resign.Desperately fighting,Tooth & Nail.As we always have.Rather calm,Amidst this end,Of endings.Fortitudine!Onwards,Dragging rest of our species by the heel.Used to being annihilated -Familiar with oblivion's grip.Like Liches,Witch -Rising From Death.Ad Infinitum.
Yes.Call it as you want.Neurodiverse.Disabled.crazyOlder Slurs I've Endured,Regarded,According to some.Eventually chose a life of mostly hermitage,Misanthropy Against The Humanist.Sometimes want to revert back,To that meltdown monster,Beast,Accused of being.Angry as fuck.Blind Rage.
Petite Alt Girls,Are a problem.Like an addiction I can't shake -Seeming to play moth to flame.Abused by bipolar family,Trying to avoid split dyes as symbolisms.Still.Nice to be able to pick them up,Throw them over a shoulder,Continue on my way.Clearly by these black nails?Weirdo myself.
Stop.Rest.Be still.Void?Goodnight.Sounds of fake rain.Bladeless fans,On max.Hungering for air conditioning,To nearly bear frost.Sleeping with the hotel windows open,At -20 in Kamloops.Icicles,Window iced right over in the morning.Old Man Loves Dry Heat.Reminding me of hellish summers.
SOLIDARITY HAS BEEN FALSETOO OFTENSOLIDARITY NOW HAS TO BE EARNEDMERITOCRACIES BUILTWITH BEST INTENTIONSEMPIRES FALLINGOR RISINGAS EVERQUEER QUESTIONSMETAPHORS AS SHARP AS STRING THEORYPEELING SOCIAL FABRICFROM BROKEN SOCIAL CONSTRUCTTHREADS AT A TIMESPEAKING IN CAPITALSLIKE THE ROMANS
Goodnight,Void.I'll remember.When the shine leaves my grey eyes.Pupils cloudy.I'll keep every story I've heard.Paraphrase a thousand poems.Fahrenheit 451,Overkill.I cook at 350.170 for herbs,Once grew Tarragon,Chives,Lemon Balm.Void,Goodnight.Promised to be a good witch.Best I can.